Toto, we're not in college anymore.

So it's time to grow up. It's time to enter the "real world", and have "real world dreams." As of right now my real world dreams involve re-entering the dreamy world of academia, where I can flounder some more in complicated philosophy and abstractness. I enjoy the challenge.  I enjoy the work and the thought.  Plus, I need to get away.  My life is akin to Accutane right now: all the bad stuff that was burried deep under my skin is being brought to the surface, it gets ugly, and is hard to deal with, but ultimately it will clear things up.  What I posted in my last entry is my biggest revelation. I'd never seen things in that light, I'd always just blame myself, or become enraged and not understood exactly why.  Now, finally, I have control through understanding and that feels pretty damn awesome. There is still frustration and hurt; I'd have to be demented and disturbed not to feel that way upon occasion.  That aside, I can see through the bullshit and I'm ready to get on with my life.  I'm not the crazy one.  I'm all grown and I got my real world dreams to conquer.