I can't shake this existential dread. It's this feeling like something is looming, but nothing is happening. Like my life is lacking in some meaningfulness that should be there. Like my world is as substantial as a flake of dirt and at any moment it could blow away. It's this feeling of emptiness. That's what I keep on drunkenly repeating to my friends: the void, the chaos, the abyss, the meaninglessness of it all. Oh! How do we create our own meanings in this mess?

How annoying it is to type out. How cliche. How quarter life crisis. Just a girl, out of college, looking for identity in the big city.

People have this itch, it's not uncommon. This post-college dread itch.

Maybe if I stopped judging my thoughts, my actions, my life, it would bring greater peacefulness. Maybe if I stopped being anxious about tomorrow, stopped evaluating today based on some contrived ideal, stopped thinking about yesterday as some gilded dusk or conversely some gloomy night world, then my present moment would be more fulfilling. I don't know what has got me down. It's this feeling of stagnancy that I just want to shake. This feeling of paralyzation that's quite unique to this particular moment in my life.

It's repeat, rewind, repeat, rewind. I guess I'm becoming jaded.

I need to move forward. I need to start a project. I need to, I need to, I need to. Maybe what I need to do is just... Just stop. Or start.