Alas, much has changed. I have graduated from Cornell University and am living in Manhattan with my parents again. In that regard, much as changed back to how it was 5 years ago when I was a teenager, still in high school. The fights with my mother, oh those painfully consistent and aggravating misunderstandings between us have returned with a vengeance. With them come familiar nights and mornings filled with my own tears and teeth grinding, the stuff that suffocated me while living at home, and that I pushed so far out of consciousness, far into the back of my memory when away at school, is back. With a vengeance.

It's funny how the brain creates its own coping mechanisms, unbeknownst to ones conscious self. Personally I block out the bad, with distance and time, and come to view the past with gilded lenses. This has both its benefits and its disadvantages. It allows me to be resilient and forgiving; yet it also makes me more prone to make the same mistake twice. I respond to the same situations with a tired naivety, feeling just as upset as I did during our first huge fights. My friends tell me, "Why don't you just distance yourself? Realize your parents are flawed human beings like all of us, and that this will blow over like it always does?" And yes, my rational brain feels like that, but my emotions don't. And unfortunately I'm more swayed by my emotions (being a Cancer, if you're into that astrology shit).

Oh well. We haven't fought for a week, and I'm content. Next time it happens I will practice strengthening my crab shell and retreating into it. I will know that this too shall pass, as it always does, and there is no reason for getting so upset. We'll see.